New romantic relationships in old age - two sub-studies
It has become more common both to be divorced and to divorce as an older person. Almost half of all divorced people in Sweden today are aged 60+. The project includes two studies where the aim is to study attitudes to, expectations of and experiences of new intimate relationships in older age.
A third age of self-realization
In family sociology, it is often said that intimacy in late modern society is freed from its child-rearing function and thus not limited to a particular period of life. It is also often argued in social gerontology that the addition of healthy years to life has created a 'third age' of self-realization, in which intimate relationships can be thought to play an essential role.
Despite this, little research, both in Sweden and internationally, has focused on new intimate relationships in old age and the role they play in the lives of older people.
This is despite changing demographics where people are living longer and new generations with potentially new values are coming of age. "Till death do us part" takes on a new meaning for marriage in a society where people are living longer. In Sweden today, there are just over one million singles (unmarried, divorced, widows/widowers) aged 60+, the majority women. It has become more common both to be divorced and to divorce in old age. Almost half of all divorced people in Sweden today are aged 60+. And there are currently more divorced people than widows/widowers aged 60-90. Relationships no longer end mainly because of the death of one partner.
Two studies in the project
The aim of the two studies on new romantic and couple relationships is to study attitudes to, expectations of and experiences of new intimate relationships in older age. We will study these issues both from a gender perspective and in the light of biographical experiences, based on both a qualitative interview study and a larger questionnaire study.
The first part of the project on new couple relationships is an interview study (2010-2012) funded by FORTE, the Swedish Research Council for Health, Working Life and Welfare (Dnr 2009-0720).
The aim of the project was to study attitudes to, expectations of and experiences of new intimate relationships in old age, in the light of theories about the transformation of intimacy and new demographic conditions in the late modern life course. The empirical data consisted of qualitative interviews with 10 men and 18 women (aged 63-91) who had started a new relationship after 60 or were dating singles (6 dating singles, 11 living apart, 7 cohabiting and 4 married). Interview themes were: 1) Everyday life as single/in a new relationship, 2) History of the current relationship, 3) History of the relationship throughout the life course, 4) Future perspectives.
The time paradox
The results show that two aspects of time - the time paradox - structure new relationships in old age and distinguish them from relationships earlier in life: On the one hand, one has a lot of free time after working life and children leaving home to cultivate a relationship. On the other hand, you have a limited lifetime. This creates deep but also 'fragile' relationships where people are more protective of each other than earlier in life. People want to realize their relationship plans in the near future, as they have a limited lifespan. It is not uncommon to enter into a relationship with someone you had a relationship with earlier in life because you do not have time to get to know new people.
The relationship chain - the partner as a resource for autonomy
A new intimate relationship in old age entails a reconstruction of the social network (children, relatives, friends), so that time and energy are transferred to the new partner. Older people see a new partner as a resource both for a couple's social life and for autonomy (being able to go to the theater, restaurants, travel, etc. without relying on others) - especially not becoming a "burden" for the adult children. The children are said to be positive about parents getting a new partner in old age but sceptical about marriage for inheritance reasons. Any conflicts are based on how the previous relationship ended. What we have termed the relationship chain involves a hierarchical organization of the social network, where the partner is always the "first" person to turn to for various types of support.
The process perspective
From a relationship history perspective, the results show how attitudes towards relationships and choice of relationship form change after meeting a partner. The study shows an important discrepancy between singles' attitudes towards "hypothetical" relationships and cohabitation forms and the attitudes they have in a concrete relationship. New relationships in old age are characterized by continuous negotiation, e.g. about living arrangements, integration of the new partner's family and network, reprioritization in case of health changes. Cross-sectional studies of singles' attitudes therefore risk giving an inaccurate and underestimated picture of older people's interest in new relationships.
The history of relationships
The relationship history narratives show major normative changes: from childhood norms where sex was only accepted within marriage, to contemporary norms where sex is accepted - but marriage is questioned; from marriage-focused childhood norms to new norms where alternative forms of cohabitation are accepted; and great variation in relationship careers over the life course.
The second part of the project on new couple relationships is a quantitative survey study (2012-2014) funded by Riksbankens Jubileumsfond
External link. (RJ P11-0909:1). The aim of the project was to study attitudes to, expectations of and experiences of new and long-term relationships among older people. The study is based on a questionnaire answered by 1,225 Swedes aged 60-90.
Changing forms of cohabitation among older people in late modern society
A key finding is that late modern forms of cohabitation have reached the elderly population. The culture of divorce has also reached the elderly: it has become more common both to be divorced (prevalence) and to divorce (incidence) as an elderly person. Older people often prefer alternative forms of relationships: In new relationships initiated at 60+, people primarily choose separate living (7/10) or cohabitation (almost 3/10), almost never marriage. One third of all those who are 'single' by marital status have a de facto partner. Based on the results, official statistics (and much previous research) that use marital status alone as a measure of partnership can be criticized for misrepresenting the family life and social integration of older people.
The historical period of relationship initiation is the main explanation for the choice of cohabitation
The form of cohabitation among older people is not primarily explained by cohort membership but by the historical period and to some extent by the life phase in which the relationship was entered into. The later in history and/or in life a relationship is entered into, the more likely it is to choose a cohabiting or separate relationship. The fact that many older people are married after all is explained by the fact that they started their relationship when marriage was the norm. This result contrasts with the assumption that older people represent cultural backwardness. Instead, they can in a sense be seen as an avant-garde in the exploration of new forms of relationships.
Positive attitudes towards older people entering new romantic relationships
In terms of how late modernity shapes older people's relationships, Sweden appears to be a global extreme case. Alongside the preference for alternative forms of relationship, this is reflected in the positive attitudes older people themselves have towards other older people entering into new intimate relationships late in life. But also in the clearly positive signals older people perceive from their children about entering into new relationships and/or cohabiting with a new partner. This contrasts strongly with research from other countries, even as close as the Netherlands.
A partner important for life satisfaction
A partner makes a strong contribution to life satisfaction - regardless of the form of cohabitation and the stage of life at which the relationship was entered into. A partner is also an important safeguard against loneliness, both in long-term and new relationships.
Torbjörn Bildtgård
Associate Professor of Sociology, Stockholm University
This page was last updated 2025-05-20